2021-06-05 11:20
🌟 Alternate title for this book
The psychology of self-esteem
🎯 The Book in 4 Sentences
Today’s world often talks about having a high self-esteem and self-confidence, the intricate details that shape our self-esteem are more or less unclear. This book explains the details of self-esteem: what does it mean, what makes for a high self-esteem, what does it depends on and the six traits that will help in building self-esteem. Interestingly, these six-traits are two way correlated to high-self esteem meaning people with high self-esteem will also practice these traits automatically.
🎨 Book impressions ?
This book is really well written. The author breaks down the complex idea of self-esteem in six-pillars and the relation between the six pillars and the self-esteem becomes self-explanatory. The Part 3 of the book also talks about the relation between self-esteem in various other settings such as school/work/culture which as a general reader I found irrelevant but will be of interest if someone wants to go more in-depth.
👓 Who should read this book ?
I think this book must be read by everyone.
🧘♂️ How the Book Changed Me
In my case, I realized that most of the time in my life, I have not been taking self-acceptance and self-responsibility not that seriously which I will try to be more aware of.
✍️ My Top 5 Quotes
The more one turns up the volume on one’s inner signals, the more external signals tend to recede into proper balance
we do not necessarily have to like what we see, but we recognize that that which is, is and which is not, is not. Denials will not alter the facts.
The greatest crime we commit against ourselves is not that we may deny and disown our shortcomings but that we deny and disown our greatness—because it frightens us.
Our goals may be clear and our actions congruent, but our initial calculations about the right steps to take may prove incorrect. Perhaps there were facts we failed to consider. Perhaps developments have changed the context. So we need to keep asking: Are my strategy and tactics working? Am I getting where I want to go? Are my actions producing the results I anticipated?
Without appropriate self-assertiveness, we are spectators, not participants. Healthy self-esteem asks that we leap into the arena—that we be willing to get our hands dirty.
📒 Layman Summary
Self-esteem has two parts and both of them are necessary:
- Self-efficacy: feeling competent, feeling competent of our actions/thoughts, a refusal to surrender. It is not the confidence we build from our past, but is the confidence that we can learn skills in future to succeed.
- Self-worthiness: Feeling worthy of respect, love, happiness and fulfillment, and worthy of the rewards of our actions. If this self-worth is missing we are never satisfied with our achievements.
The six-pillars are:
- Living consciously: being aware of our thoughts, actions, purpose, values and goals as much as possible. This has to be done from things we like to the things we do not like.
- Practicing self-acceptance: One of most basic, but also the hardest pillar to practice. We have to acknowledge our emotions, thoughts, actions, dreams even when we do try to deny or resist and them. When we fight/block our negative traits we make it stronger. But when we acknowledge or accept it, we melt the block or resistance.
- Practicing self-responsibility: For all the things that you believe that are in our control, taking responsibility is the first step. We take a fresh look at our values, question them and revise them if necessary. If we are self-accepting but are hesitant to take responsibility, then our desires will only be our dreams.
- Practicing self-assertiveness: This means willingness to stand up for oneself. To take our life in our own hands and not being mere spectators. Not doing this will be self-betrayal and is opposite of high-self esteem.
- Living purposefully: The idea is not to prove our worth by some goals, but rather that the process of achieving the goal gives us a sense of competitiveness (which is an ingredient of self-esteem). This also goes hand in hand with self-discipline which the author puts it as “a respect for the present that does not disregard the future, and a respect for the future that does not disregard the present.”
- Practicing self-integrity: When our actions dont align with our beliefs/values we are being hypocrite and not practicing self-integrity. This is also one of the main sources of guilt. This idea is to question our beliefs and realign them if necessary. If our actions and aligned with our beliefs, then our self-esteem will be at a generally healthy levels.
Verma Vivek 